Studying abroad is a unique experience, which lets international students connect with new people, make new friends and immerse themselves in a different culture. Dating is one of the natural parts of this process, and regardless of how you’ve met each other – via online dating services, at university, student society or via friends- meeting new people in a new country might be very interesting for you.
Nevertheless, there is an additional step international students have to pay attention to when they go out on a date – they have to learn how to date safely. You may still be discovering customs, transport, support systems and everything else specific to the country you are staying in. The good thing is that you don’t have to stop dating in order to be safe.
Get to Know Someone Before Meeting in Person
In case you find yourself interested in somebody you’ve found on the Internet, take some time to learn more about that person before accepting. The ease with which one can now connect to someone using online services means that an online profile is not going to reveal everything about the other person.
Engage in communication via the dating app or another proper medium before meeting with the individual. Watch out for consistency in their tales and behavior; if a person suddenly starts to behave in a very demanding way, starts demanding personal data, or tries to convince you to meet up before you are ready to do so, then something might be amiss.
Do not share any sensitive information, such as your home address, bank account data, personal identification numbers, immigration papers, passwords, or any other sensitive information you consider personal to yourself.
Beware of any demands from your online romantic interest for money, investments, bank account access, etc. A person you don’t know and haven’t even met yet shouldn’t have access to your money.
Choose a Safe Place for Your First Date
Pick a safe location for the first meeting, where other people are present. Places like a café, a restaurant, a museum, a shopping district, a university campus, or any other familiar public place are safer than being on private property or in an isolated place.
Pick a place that you either already know, or that is easy to find. It would also help if you can find it easier to leave if things go awry during the date. A daytime or early evening appointment is a good choice for a first date, especially if you don’t know the place. You shouldn’t feel guilty about picking a place according to your safety and comfort.
It would make sense for a polite person to appreciate why you want to meet in a public place. If the person still makes you visit somewhere private against your will, that’s a huge warning sign.
Tell Someone You Trust About Your Plans
A straightforward strategy that can increase your safety on dates is letting someone you trust know where you are going. Prior to your date with a stranger, let a friend, roommate, classmate, or other trustworthy person know what your plans are. Be sure to include the individual’s name, their dating profile, where you will meet, and when you plan to be back.
In case you feel that you need to, use the GPS location option in your phone or set up a check-in during or after your date. Also, you may choose a word that will allow your friend to understand that you need assistance without revealing details. Such a strategy will be particularly useful for international students who may not have a big network of friends in the new country.
Keep Control of Your Transportation
Have a plan of transportation beforehand. Wherever possible, try to keep control over your transportation. This can involve anything from public transport to taxi to ride-sharing. Just ensure that you have sufficient battery in your cell phone and that you have access to whatever form of payment is required by the mode of transportation to return home.
It does not have to be dependent entirely upon your new acquaintance to get around. You should have an independent means of leaving the place. If you need to change your plans at all, notify a trusted person about it.
Protect Your Personal Information
Being safe when dating involves being cautious with your privacy too. It’s important not to reveal any details that will put you at risk, such as your actual home address, financial information, your passwords, your student account details, passport information, immigration papers, and confidential university records.
At the same time, you need to think twice before posting something on social media. The pictures, your university name, your daily schedule, and your location may provide much more information about yourself than you might want.
Also, remember not to share any intimate pictures or any private information, because once shared online, you won’t have control over its spread. Good dating doesn’t mean you have to give anyone access to your private information.
Learn to Recognize Dating Red Flags
The ability to identify unhealthy behavior is among the key skills to have in order to stay safe while dating overseas. This may involve excessive jealousy, a controlling attitude, disregard for your personal limits, pressure to progress in the relationship, attempts to make you feel isolated from your friends, and anger at your refusal to comply with his requests.
Pay attention especially if there is an attempt to pressure you to drink, take drugs, have sex, share personal data, or give him money. Threats, intimidation, manipulation, stalking, and attempts to control your movements are all red flags.
There is no need to wait until the situation becomes dangerous to leave. If you feel that something is wrong, you have a right to finish the date and go home.
Set and Communicate Your Boundaries
Boundaries are an important aspect of healthy dating. In order to establish them, before and during the date, think of what feels right for you and discuss your boundaries clearly.
You have a right to set your own pace regarding the development of the relationship, share only the information you feel like sharing, choose the place where the date takes place, and define the acceptable level of physical intimacy.
You can give consent freely, which can always be taken back. If you give consent to one thing, it doesn’t automatically imply that you agree with all other aspects of the relationship. Being an international student, you shouldn’t tolerate anything unpleasant just because of your lack of knowledge about dating culture in your new place.
Be Aware of Cultural Differences
The dating traditions might differ considerably depending on the country and culture you are in. Communication, relationships, physical intimacy, exclusivity, family participation in the process and the role of genders are different.
Differences in culture might cause misunderstandings; that’s why communication is needed. When you feel uncertain about your expectations, you’d better ask rather than assume anything. On the other hand, you should never use the cultural differences as a justification for disrespectful and controlling behavior. It is possible to be flexible in understanding how things should work, but keep your principles the same.
Stay Safe When Alcohol Is Involved
In case you decide to consume alcohol while on a date, make sure that you are aware of the surrounding environment as well as your level of intoxication. The laws and regulations regarding alcohol consumption vary from one country to another.
Do not feel pressured to drink in case your partner drinks. Be careful with your possessions and avoid keeping your drinks unattended. Make sure that you make plans for transportation before you drink. In case you become uncomfortable, your priority should be making it to a safe place and getting into contact with someone you trust. Last but not least, being intoxicated does not mean that consent is of any less value.
Know Where to Get Help
Before starting a relationship in another country, learn what resources you will have access to in case of harassment, threats, or dangerous situations. These resources could include an international student center, campus security services, student assistance services, counseling services, or any other services offered by your school for such purposes.
Save the local emergency number on your mobile phone. If you are a victim of stalking, harassment, threats, violence, financial abuse, or any other significant safety concerns, you should not feel like you have to take care of everything on your own.
Common Dating Safety Mistakes International Students Should Avoid
There are some simple mistakes that one could avoid to eliminate most of the dating dangers. First, never agree to meet someone you don’t know anywhere secluded just because they demand it.
Secondly, do not provide any confidential or financial details, even if they ask for them. Additionally, you should never let anyone drive you, especially when you know them less. Lastly, do not avoid seeking help because of embarrassment and fear of being judged as impolite.
Conclusion
Going on dates as an international student is a positive experience which will help you make friends, see different angles and create meaningful relationships. You don’t have to think of all people that you meet as potential threats; you need to give yourself enough freedom and awareness to take care of yourself.
Meet new people in public places, inform your friends about your plans, keep your private details safe, stay in control of your transportation, and be alert to the warning signs. The most important thing is to voice your limits and listen to your gut.
Your relationship should leave you feeling respected, comfortable and safe. Remember, no matter how much you date in a new country, you don’t ever have to put yourself at risk for the sake of somebody else’s happiness.
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